A-Z of Marriage by Kingsley & Mildred Okonkwo [Summary]

Main Summary: A–Z of Marriage by Kingsley & Mildred Okonkwo is a practical guide for couples, offering 26 powerful principles—one for each alphabet—designed to help men and women understand each other’s deepest needs, build stronger bonds, and enjoy a thriving, Christ-centered marriage.

Lessons You’ll Learn From This Post 

• A-Z characteristics for both Men and Women

Every woman craves attention. She wants you to notice her and show her that she matters.

A – Acceptance & Attention

• Men desire acceptance: allow him to be himself, support and encourage growth without constant criticism.
• Women crave attention: listen genuinely, notice her, show affection, and make her feel valued daily.

Men are moved by what they see. Always make an effort to look beautiful for your husband

B – Beauty & Brave

• Men are moved by beauty: wives should stay attractive, maintain self-care, and dress well.
• Women want bravery: a man who protects her, faces challenges with courage, and shields her from harm.

A woman never gets tired of compliments.

C – Challenge Him & Compliment Her

• Men need wives who challenge them to grow wisely, offering prayerful and gentle encouragement.
• Women thrive on compliments: affirm her beauty, efforts, and value consistently—it never gets old.

Be devoted to your husband. Be committed to making his life better at all times

D – Devotion & Desire

• Men long for devotion: loyalty, commitment, and prioritizing them even amid distractions like kids or work.
• Women need to feel desired: husbands must pursue, initiate affection, and leave no doubt of attraction.

Do not be deceived by his macho demeanour—every man needs encouragement

E – Encouragement & Empathy

• Men rely on encouragement: wives must be their biggest cheerleaders, especially in hard times.
• Women deeply value empathy: men should notice their struggles, ease their burdens, and offer support.

Men are like gas burners, women are like slow burners; sex begins long before the act.

F – Friendship & Foreplay

• Men seek friendship: companionship where they can relax, have fun, and confide without judgment.
• Women require foreplay: intimacy that begins with affection, touch, and tenderness before sex.

No woman wants a stingy man. Nothing within your power should be too much to give to your wife.

G – Gratefulness & Generosity

• Men appreciate gratitude: acknowledgment of even small gestures motivates them to do more.
• Women want generosity: with money, time, affection, and thoughtful giving—stinginess destroys love.

God made a help suitable and adaptable for Adam—find out the area your husband needs your help and fill the gap.

H – Help & Humour

• Men value help: wives are created to complement, support, and fill practical gaps joyfully without resentment.
• Women need humour: husbands should bring laughter, lighten burdens, and keep marriage joyful.

Beauty may attract a man but intelligence will help you keep him

I – Intelligence & Intimacy

• Men admire intelligence: wives should grow mentally, engage in meaningful conversations, and keep learning.
• Women desire intimacy: not just sex, but emotional closeness, friendship, and deep sharing of secrets.

Every woman wants a man she can trust to be fair and just in tough situations.

J – Jovial & Just

• Men love jovial women: playful, fun-loving, and ready to enjoy life with them.
• Women want men who are just, fair, objective, and trustworthy, especially in family conflicts.

K – Kempt & Kind Gestures

• Men are attracted to kempt women: clean, neat, and well-groomed in personal and home hygiene.
• Women cherish kind gestures: thoughtful acts like cooking, helping with chores, or saying “please.”

Your husband needs to know that you’ll always have his back, through good times and bad.

L – Loyalty & Leadership

• Men need loyal wives: partners who stand with them through all seasons.
• Women flourish under leadership: husbands who guide, nurture, and inspire growth in their wives.

A man wants his wife to be teachable, adaptable and open to change.

M – Meekness & Money

• Men appreciate meek wives: women who are teachable, adaptable, and open to change.
• Women want money security: while love is key, financial stability makes romance and care easier.

Don’t touch me only when you want to have sex—women love non-sexual touch.

N – Nourishment & Non-Sexual Touch

• Men love nourishment: good food remains one of the strongest pathways to their hearts.
• Women crave non-sexual touch: hugs, hand-holding, massages, and affectionate contact beyond sex.

Your wife is not your baby sister; she is your partner. Share every detail of your life with her.

O – Ovation & Open Communication

• Men need ovation: wives should celebrate, praise, and magnify their victories instead of belittling them.
• Women need open and honest communication: husbands should share both struggles and wins, not keep secrets.

Money will never replace your being part of raising the children

P – Prayer & Participation

• Men desire their wives’ prayers: you must know and intercede for his dreams, goals, and well-being.
• Women want participation: husbands should be actively involved in raising kids and family duties, not absentee.

You are not spending quality time with her if you are distracted; shut down everything and focus.

Q – Quietness & Quality Time

• Men enjoy quiet, personal space and peace instead of nagging.
• Women treasure quality time: intentional attention, dates, and focused moments without distractions.

Romance is the fuel in a marriage—it’s more about thoughtfulness than big expenses

R – Respect & Romance

• Men deeply need respect: honour in words, tone, and treatment, never shouting or demeaning.
• Women long for romance: small, thoughtful gestures like texts, gifts, and planned getaways fuel love.

A woman needs her husband to make her feel secure—spiritually, emotionally, and physically

S – Sex & Security

• Men crave abundant sex: frequent intimacy keeps their needs satisfied and marriage guarded.
• Women seek security: assurance of safety spiritually, emotionally, and physically in their husbands.

A man needs to be able to give you his passwords and pin numbers without sleepless nights.

T – Trust & Transparency

• Men must be able to trust their wives completely—with food, secrets, and loyalty.
• Women demand transparency: husbands should be open with passwords, finances, and personal matters.

Don’t be a saint to others and a terrorist to your wife—be understanding.

U – Unity & Understanding

• Men thrive on unity: agreement with wives brings progress and blessings in marriage.
• Women want understanding, patience, empathy, and fairness from their husbands in daily struggles.

A woman needs to trust that you know where you are going—that is the only way she can follow willingly.

V – Virtuous & Visionary

• Men desire virtuous wives: women who are industrious, God-fearing, morally strong, and a blessing to their homes.
• Women need visionary husbands: men who lead with clear direction, dreams, and purpose for the family.

A woman wants a working man, not a lazy one.

W – Wise Woman & Working Man

• Men want wise women: wives who give sound advice, good judgment, and build their homes wisely.
• Women prefer working men: husbands who are hardworking, responsible, and not lazy or idle.

The X-factor is the peculiar quality that made your spouse choose you—don’t lose it

X – X-Factor (For Both)

• Men value wives who retain their X-factor: that special quality that first attracted him to you.
• Women admire men with X-factor: mystery, uniqueness, and charisma that keep them in awe even in marriage.

There is only one captain in the marriage ship—learn to yield even when you don’t agree

Y – Yield & Yearn

• Men need wives who yield: submission to leadership, even when they disagree, while still offering prayer and support.
• Women long for husbands who yearn: showing affection, passion, and excitement to be with them always.

Don’t be lazy! Every man wants his wife to be industrious and active.

Z – Zest & Zeal

• Men want wives with zest: energy, diligence, and productivity, not laziness or passivity.
• Women desire men with zeal: husbands who passionately pursue them, put them first, and prove love daily.

Now that you’ve seen the A–Z of marriage, take one principle and start practicing it today. Don’t wait for perfection—begin with small steps, and watch your relationship with your spouse grow stronger, deeper, and more joyful.

Finally, here is a question we’d love you to answer.

If you had to choose one word from A–Z to work on today, which would it be and why?

We would love to hear from you. Please leave your answer and comment in the comment box below.

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