Main Summary: Keys for Marriage by Myles Munroe reveals God’s original purpose for marriage. Men and women are equal but differently designed for complementary roles. Husbands must cultivate their wives with love; wives are incubators who multiply what they receive. Success comes when both honor their unique, God-given functions.
Lessons You’ll Learn From This Post
- The Purpose and Design of Marriage
- The Husband’s Role and Responsibilities
- The Wife’s Role and Responsibilities
- Communication and Emotional Needs
- Affection, Sex, and Expectations
- Conflict, Forgiveness, and Spiritual Priorities
- Mutual Honor, Growth, and Lasting Love
Where purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable.
The Purpose and Design of Marriage
- Marriage is not random; it has a God-given purpose.
- The Bible is the manual for marriage—ignoring it leads to frustration.
- Marriage is a covenant between two whole persons (male and female) until death.
- The husband-wife relationship is primary, even above parent-child bonds.
- Men and women are equal but different by design, not by environment.
- These differences are complementary, not competitive.
- Sex is a physical sign of spiritual oneness, meant to be enjoyed within marriage.
A real man takes care of others before himself.
The Husband’s Role and Responsibilities
- A husband’s biblical functions: worship, work, cultivate, protect, teach.
- He must have a vision for his family—without it, there is no direction or discipline.
- A husband without vision creates a frustrated wife.
- His job is to cultivate his wife, helping her become all she was created to be.
- If you want your wife to change, invest in her (clothes, salon, gym, etc.).
- A real man gives up egocentric desires to serve his family.
- The wife is the “glory of the man” —her radiance reflects him.
- Husbands are designed to handle tough things and overcome storms.
- Do not numb your mind with alcohol or escapes—stay sharp for your family.
- Never abuse your wife or children; strength is for protection, not domination.
- A husband must be accountable, not play the blame game.
- He is ready for marriage when he can teach God’s Word to his family.
- God does not excuse you from face-to-face relationship responsibility.
Your wife is an incubator—sow love into her, and you’ll reap fruit you want to keep.
The Wife’s Role and Responsibilities
- A woman’s three God-given purposes: enhancer, reflector, life-giver (incubator).
- She multiplies everything she receives—a smile, a seed, a house, or frustration.
- A wife is an entire research and development department—she sees potential and develops plans.
- Her ability to incubate ideas is meant to help her husband, not compete with him.
- If your husband doesn’t pray, pray for him—don’t browbeat him.
- Encourage your husband when he opens up; don’t knock him down.
- A wife’s first purpose: companion so her husband won’t be alone.
- She functions on love—without it, she malfunctions.
- She is like a flower that adapts to the soil (her husband’s treatment of her).
- Never emasculate your man—push him into his position, don’t take it away.
- A good wife does him good and not evil all the days of her life.
- She protects his dignity, even when he mispronounces words.
- Don’t get so “spiritual” that you neglect your home for church activities.
- Your first mission field is your spouse.
Love responds; it does not react.
Communication and Emotional Needs
- Husbands: The words you speak affect your wife emotionally.
- Wives: The words you speak provide your husband with information.
- Your husband is not looking for emotions first—tell him what you think, then what you feel.
- Your wife’s thinking and feelings may differ—be patient to discover what’s truly on her mind.
- Many men struggle to verbalize emotions, especially pain or sadness. Wives, create a safe environment.
- When your husband talks, he’s telling you what he’s thinking—don’t assume you know his feelings.
- Conversing attentively with your wife fulfills a deep need in her.
- A mink coat fulfills a want; your attention fulfills a need.
- Men: Caring means anticipating her need and meeting it—even leaving what you’re doing to make sure she’s okay.
- Wives: Keep saying to your husband, “Tell me more” —even if it seems like foolishness.
- Never tell your husband, “Why don’t you be like So-and-so?” —he is his own being.
- Telling your husband you don’t need him kills the heart of his nature.
- Don’t give your spouse what you need—you have opposite needs.
- Unforgiveness can kill your marriage and rot your spiritual life.
If you don’t expect your spouse to do something, you can’t be disappointed when they don’t.
Affection, Sex, and Expectations
- Affection and sex are not the same. Men, if you’re not sure how to be affectionate, ask your wife.
- When a woman asks to be held, she wants affection—not necessarily sex. Hold her long enough, and you may be rewarded.
- Many women rush through sex because no affection was involved—they feel used like “a piece of meat.”
- Simple acts of affection: pushing the shopping cart patiently, helping her cook, cutting the onions so her eyes don’t sting.
- Sex does not produce commitment—ask a prostitute. Sex is a result of commitment in marriage.
- If sex alone doesn’t make your marriage, it can’t break it either.
- Roles create expectations. Expectations cause aggravation. Aggravation leads to disappointment, frustration, arguments, bitterness, and strained relationships.
- True love expects nothing in return.
- Don’t assign traditional roles—respond to the need. If you see water on the floor and can mop it, it’s your responsibility.
- Jesus washed feet. He didn’t ask, “Whose job is this?”
- Become “all things” to your spouse—let need determine your role, not tradition.
- Your wife’s breasts should satisfy you at all times—no one else’s should.
- God compares your marriage not to your parents or friends, but to Christ and the church. That’s the standard.
If you want your church to be effective, get your home in order first.
Conflict, Forgiveness, and Spiritual Priorities
- If something is wrong in your marriage, you make it right first—don’t wait for your spouse.
- Leave your gift at the altar and be reconciled to your spouse before worshiping.
- Forgive and keep on forgiving. Unforgiveness kills marriages and hinders your relationship with God.
- God’s reception of your worship depends on your relationships with others, especially your spouse.
- Don’t hide behind God to avoid face-to-face responsibility.
- If your home is in shambles, don’t run around doing church work. Get your home in order first.
- How can you love God whom you haven’t seen if you don’t love your spouse whom you have seen?
- Your first mission field is your marriage, not the church down the street.
- Do not give the devil a foothold by neglecting your spouse for prayer meetings.
- When your spouse seems like the enemy, choose to love anyway—as Christ loved us while we were still sinners.
- True love is not what you talk about; it’s what you get to be about.
- Love is stronger than pride. Break down the walls.
- Whenever love is based on a reason, it rests on a condition. Conditions change.
- Agape love is unconditional—regardless of face, weight, attitude, or emotions changing.
Don’t compete—complete.
Mutual Honor, Growth, and Lasting Love
- Husbands: Love your wives as Christ loved the church—to present her spotless and wrinkle-free. Ask God daily, “How did I do at removing spots and wrinkles today?”
- Wives: You don’t need to wait for your husband to initiate sex. She who is married cares how to please her husband.
- Never compete—complete. There are things she can do you cannot, and vice versa.
- A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband—he is king only because she is his glory.
- Be considerate with your wife as the “weaker partner” (1 Peter 3:7). Kindness protects your prayers—God ties your prayer life to how you treat your wife.
- The male is the foundation of the family. If he leaves or neglects his duty, the house is built on sand.
- A selfish person wants all the glory. A person of love wants others to share.
- Your wife’s dreams didn’t die at the altar. Find out her goals and support them.
- The secret to staying in love: keep finding things within your spouse to fall in love with over and over again.
- The responsibility to stay enraptured (Proverbs 5:19) is your own—not your spouse’s.
- Wear your wedding ring faithfully—it says to the world, “I belong to another.”
- Accept that your spouse is not exactly like you. When your differences press together, they form a precious gem.
- Grow old gracefully together. Your wife should be sweeter to you as you both age.
- Have the same attitude as Christ Jesus: selfless giving, sacrifice, service, and forgiveness.
You now know the keys. Don’t just agree—act. This week, give your spouse what they need, not what you want. Forgive quickly, serve unexpectedly, and love unconditionally. Your marriage won’t transform by accident. Go home and cultivate.
Finally, here is a question we’d love you to answer.
What are you sowing into your spouse today—love that multiplies, or bitterness that rots?
We would love to hear from you. Please leave your answer and comment in the comment box below.
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