Preparing for Marriage by John Piper [Summary] 

Main Summary: Preparing for Marriage by John Piper is a Christ-centered guide that explores biblical principles for marriage, covering theological compatibility, sexual purity, family roles, conflict resolution, and the eternal purpose of marriage—to glorify God through covenant love and Christlike living.

Lessons You’ll Learn From This Post 

• Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage
• The Surpassing Goal of Marriage 
• Sexual Relationship in Marriage
• The Concept of Marriage, Singleness,and Brotherly Love

Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage

• You must understand each other’s theology. What it means is to understand your beliefs on key doctrines. You should discuss how you both form beliefs and handle Scripture. You can evaluate your compatibility using a shared doctrinal statement like the Desiring God Affirmation of Faith. You can find it on the ministry’s website
• How do you align on the importance of church attendance and involvement. Talk about personal and family devotional habits. And then decide how you’ll lead and participate in spiritual disciplines together.
• On your Husband & Wife roles, you must define biblical headship and submission in your marriage. Set boundaries for interactions with the opposite sex. Clarify expectations for home responsibilities and shared finances. Discuss sexual expectations and togetherness in daily life.
• Agree on if/when to have children, how many, and child-rearing methods. It is important to talk about discipline, affection, and education choices (homeschool, public, Christian school).
• On lifestyle, discuss housing preferences, neighborhoods, and vehicle decisions. It is crucial to align on financial values, giving, and spending. And then decide where and how you will shop.
• On the subject of entertainment, set limits on entertainment spending and eating out. Choose appropriate vacation styles and leisure items. Create your standards for TV, movies, and children’s media exposure.
• Determining Conflict resolution techniques is important. Know what triggers each other’s anger and how it’s handled. Agree on how to bring up issues and resolve disagreements. You must settle on principles for forgiveness, timing, and counseling.
• Even though work is important, determine who is the primary income earner. Discuss the wife’s potential employment during different stages of life. And then decide how to handle daycare and job location decisions.
• Talk about boundaries for individual friendships. Before marriage, you must decide what to do when friends cause tension in the relationship.
• On Health & Sickness, share any medical issues that may impact the marriage, and align on divine healing, medical care, and health habits.\
• One thing to note: for every area, ask: How do we handle and live with differences? What differences can be accepted without jeopardizing unity?

Also read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman [Summary]

The Surpassing Goal of Marriage 

• Marriage exists for God’s glory, not the other way around—God is ultimate, marriage is not. The word “for” in “marriage lived for the glory of God” emphasizes purpose. So marriage is meant to magnify God.
• The proper view of marriage starts with a proper view of God: His greatness, worth, beauty, and truth. God should not be served out of need—He created all things to display His greatness, not to gain from them.
• Preaching more about God—His nature, attributes, and glory—will produce marriages that reflect Him. Churches should teach less about marriage itself and more about God to truly transform marriages
• Marriage Is Not Ultimate—God Is: The ultimate goal of marriage is not personal happiness or fulfillment, but displaying the glory of God.
• Marriage Reflects the Covenant Between Christ and the Church: Just as Christ loves the Church sacrificially, a husband is to love his wife. And a wife’s submission mirrors the Church’s submission to Christ (Ephesians 5:22–33).
• Love in marriage Is about commitment, not just emotion. Biblical marital love is rooted in covenant commitment, not fleeting feelings or personal gain.
• Marriage Is a call for spouses to extend forgiveness, patience, and sacrificial love, reflecting God’s grace to one another.
• God uses marriage as a tool for our holiness to shape and sanctify us. It’s not just about happiness but becoming more like Christ.
• Staying married displays the gospel. The lifelong commitment in marriage is a testimony of God’s unbreakable covenant love, which speaks volumes to a watching world.

Also read Bible Sense For Getting Into Marriage By David Oyedepo [Summary]

Sexual Relationship in Marriage

• The Bible places sexual purity in marriage and contentment with money side by side. Both are common sources of conflict in marriage. 
• Marriage bed being undefiled implies sexual purity—free from sin. Sin is anything that does not come from faith (Romans 14:23; Hebrews 11:6).
• Sin stems from lack of faith in God’s promises. Actions in marriage that are not rooted in trust and hope in God are sinful.
• The love of money is one of such sins, because it reflects a lack of faith in God’s promise: “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Faith on the other hand leads to contentment, which protects from the sins caused by the love of money.
• Sexual sin in marriage happens when attitudes or actions aren’t rooted in faith. Pure sexual relations must come from a heart resting in God’s promises.
• Some may not need marriage for sexual fulfillment—God calls some to be single (1 Corinthians 7:6–7). However, contentment in Christ doesn’t eliminate bodily desires like hunger, sleep, or sexual appetite.
• If gratification is denied (e.g., singleness), God provides strength and companionship (Philippians 4:11–13). If gratification is allowed (e.g., in marriage), faith transforms how desires are fulfilled—leading to purity, not lust.
• So faith transforms desire. it  doesn’t eliminate them but prevents their sinful expressions: It Stops gluttony, not eating. Prevents laziness, not sleep. Regulates sexual expression, not desire.

Also read The Power of A Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian [Summary]

The Concept of Marriage, Singleness,and Brotherly Love

• The Church as Central Family: The spiritual family (formed by faith in Christ) is more central and eternal than the biological family; how singles and married people relate reflects the supremacy of Christ.
• Hospitality Is a Witness: Showing hospitality across marital lines magnifies Christ—married people should welcome singles into their lives, and vice versa, without grumbling.
• Christ-Centered Kindness: Hospitality should be rooted in recognizing others as disciples of Christ and treating them with kindness “for Jesus’ sake.”
• Material Things Reflect God’s Glory: God gave us physical bodies and a material world to reflect His glory; when rightly used, they lead us to worship.
• Sex and Food Are Holy When Sanctified: These physical appetites are neither gods nor evil—they become holy when received with thanksgiving, guided by God’s Word and prayer.
• Idolatry in Both States: Both marriage and singleness can become idols. Christians should be wary of idolizing independence, sex, or even relationships themselves.
• Worship Through Marriage: Sexual desires in marriage must be transformed into worship through selflessness, gratitude, and alignment with God’s design.
• Urgency and Prayer: Because “the end of all things is near,” you must be sober, prayerful, and intentional in your relationships, preparing for Christ’s return.

Conclusively, Now that you’ve read this post, take time to reflect and discuss these key questions with your future spouse. Let God’s Word guide your journey, and pursue a marriage that reflects His glory. You can also download the Affirmation of Faith using the link and begin those essential conversations today.

Finally, here is a question we’d love you to answer.

What boundaries or expectations have you both set regarding sex, finances, and conflict in marriage?

We would love to hear from you. Please leave your answer and comment in the comment box below.

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